“What makes a good Dominant?”
It’s like trying to describe DNA in great detail. Being Dominant is complex, detailed, and no matter how complete the description, it falls impossibly short of reality. Perhaps that is why so few websites have detailed descriptions of what it means to be a Dominant.
While the descriptions, duties and needs of submissives are given described in great attention, there is precious little space devoted to Dominants. But, for purpose of better understanding the lifestyle, and the Dominant role within it, I shall endeavor to do my best. Here, then, in no particular order, is my own impossibly incomplete description of what it means to be a Dominant.
- Mastery of One’s Self: A Dominant must always be in control of him/her self. As a Master/Mistress, the Dominant will take charge of a submissive. It is impossible to take on the responsibility of mastering another, if one can not master themselves.
- Personal Standards: A Dominant must set and maintain high personal standards for themselves. They must be an example to others, including their submissive.
- Self Respect: If not given to themselves, it can not be shown to others.
- Self Control: Many things in life may challenge a Dominant. Control of one’s self is essential when those challenges present themselves.
- Self Secure: A Dominant must know themselves, and feel comfortable within their own skin to project themselves in a true fashion. They will be challenged, and must be secure enough to tolerate differing opinions and views without considering them as condemnation.
- Compassionate & Understanding: A Dominant must be sensitive to the needs of others. As Master/Mistress the Dominant will be responsible for the emotional well-being of a submissive that requires an open and accessible Dominant. They must be willing to share, and actively demonstrate that sharing in return is both safe and healthy.
- Communicative: A Dominant must be able to communicate effectively in any situation, under any circumstances, in a variety of verbal and non-verbal ways.
- Honest & Trustworthy: This is more than a concept, or a feeling. Honesty is expressed through actions. And only in demonstrating honesty, will it be seen by others.
- Teacher/Guide: Dominants must meet the needs of a submissive for guidance. They are responsible for the personal and lifestyle growth of Their one. Their actions should be an example that teaches and guides everyone with whom they come in contact.
- Well Rounded: We often forget that D/s is a lifestyle, and a Dominant must be full and complete. A Dominant must be romantic, happy, playful, have a sense of humor, have interests and pleasures, and all the things that make a complete human being.
- Devoted: A Dominant must be someone that can be counted on to be there, and to be available. When there is a problem, or their submissive needs assistance, the Dominant must make every good faith effort to demonstrate that devotion.
- Loving: There is no relationship without love. And although not every D/s relationship is built upon love, it is an essential part of any relationship for me.
- Protective: A submissive must feel safe and secure, both physically and emotionally.
- Accepting: No one is perfect, we are all human. A Dominant must accept and demonstrate that to their submissive; giving permission to be human. Accepting people for who and what they are, warts and all, does not preclude guidance towards growth.
- Forgiving: Every human being will make mistakes. Dominants included. They must be able to forgive others, as well as themselves.
- Reassuring: A submissive needs to be reassured frequently. To know that they are valued and treasured. To know that their efforts and submission are noticed and appreciated.
- Firm and Consistent: A submissive needs that consistency of expectations. Once rules and acceptable behaviors are established and communicated, they must be firmly and consistently applied. Do not, however, confuse firm with “domineering”.
- Patient: All things take time. Knowing and accepting that everyone moves at their own pace, within their individual capabilities, is essential.
- Creative: There is always more than one way to skin a cat, and different people respond in unique ways. Being adaptable and creative will yield better results, and make for a more satisfying and less stagnant relationship.