In the way they speak and hold themselves, that air of quiet confidence that surrounds them, it’s the way they calmly take command and hold you just by their presence and tone of voice, it’s in the way they listen to what you’re saying and don’t tell you you’re an nobody and they know best, it’s the way they can speak from experience and reassure you that you’re not an fool or pervert. It’s all that and so much more that can’t be put into words but has to be felt by being close to them. —-
Lets look at the dictionary definitions of the words Dominant and Domineer
1- Dominant, adj. ~ most important or prominent; dominating;transitive use-to control, govern, or rule by superior authority or power (successful leaders dominate events rather than react to them); to exert a supreme, guiding influence on or over (ambition dominated their lives); to enjoy a commanding, controlling position in (an oil company that dominates the market); intransitive senses-to have or exert strong authority or mastery; to be situated in or occupy a position that is more elevated or decidedly superior to others
1-b a Domineer, v. ~ (derogatory ) try to make someone do exactly what one wants by ordering him about, regardless of what he wants to do; intransitive senses-to exercise arbitrary or overbearing control; transitive senses-to tyrannize over
NOTE: When a submissive gives control to another person they have to be very careful who they’re submitting to and know the difference between a “True” Dominant and a player or wannabe, some of the things below may help you see the differences.
2 A Dominant will encourage you and build your confidence over time;
2-b a Domineer will demand your submission now and won’t wait for you to get to know them, why should they you’re only an object to them.
3 A Dominant will spend hours, days or weeks talking to you establishing your boundaries and limits before playing with you;
3-b a Domineer couldn’t care less what your limits and boundaries are they see you as a new conquest an object to be used and discarded when the next shiny object shows up.
4 A Dominant will respect your limits and push you to the edge and maybe just a tad past them;
4-b a Domineer is only concerned with what they want you to do regardless of what your limits are.
5 A Dominant will insist on your safety and do everything they can to be prepared for anything that may go wrong;
5-b a Domineer is only concerned that their needs are met and if you’re bleeding or broken or terrified when they’re satisfied who cares there’s hospitals you can go to, just pick up the phone and call one after they’re gone and have an alibi in case the cops want you to press charges.
6 A Dominant will respect your safe words and honor them;
6-b a Domineer couldn’t care less if you feel scared or are in too much pain for you to handle they’re having fun and that’s all that matters.
7 A Dominant will take care of you after the scene is through making sure you’re ok;
7-b a Domineer is done when they’re done why should they care if you’re all right or not they got what they wanted
8 A Dominant will encourage you to learn all you can about the lifestyle;
8-b a Domineer doesn’t want you learning more then they do because you may find out what kind of abuser they are.
9 A Dominant will listen to what you have to say, they care as much about what you’re feeling emotionally as physically;
9-b a Domineer doesn’t care what you’re feeling and if you have anything other then yes Master/Mistress to say then keep it to yourself they’re not interested.
10 A Dominant cares if you’re not feeling well and won’t push you to scene;
10-b a Domineer wants to play and wants to play now who cares if you’re not well just don’t throw up on them or you’ll be sorry.
11 A Dominant wants the entire you heart, body and soul;
11-b a Domineer couldn’t care about your heart or soul all they want is your body to use and abuse as they see fit, like it matters to them if you fall in love and are heart broken when you don’t hear from them till they’re ready to play, why should they worry if it tares you apart doing things you don’t want to do just as long as they’re satisfied
This only lightly brushes on what a Dominant is but for the new submissive it’s a cautionary insight into the differences between someone who will care for and about you and someone who is just out to get what they want.